It's hard to let go
by 99MeSmErIzE
Summary: After two years of fighting , it's just so hard for everyone to say goodbye . Aelita is trying to adjust living without Lyoko , trying to forget her past and move on . Problems happen between the Lyoko warriors. Will they ever going to move on and let go ? Jerlita , Ulumi and Oddlita are included, but mostly Jerlita. reviews are appreciated :)
1. Faking Smiles

_I bet they are lying, I know they are, I can see it in their eyes._

The ex-Lyoko warriors - except Yumi - were sitting at the dinner table after couple of hours of shutting down the supercomputer and saying goodbye to XANA and Lyoko.

It was spaghetti and meatballs day. Odd was eating like it's his last meal, Ulrich and Jeremie were chatting with each other with smiles among their faces and laughter along their talk, mocking the way Odd ate the food. I was just smiling, I couldn't do anything else. There were some tears in my eyes that I couldn't let them out, I didn't want anyone to think I'm weak, I didn't want myself to believe I'm weak. But is it a weakness how hard it is for me to let go everything? My dad, Lyoko, XANA and everything else? I could feel Jeremie's eyes staring at me, but if I turned my head towards him he'll know something's wrong.

"Aelita, are you okay?" he asked

"yeah, sure." I said it with a smile on my face hiding everything else that's going on my mind.

Jeremie didn't seem to be convinced but he smiled back.

* * *

After dinner we went to our dorms. The way to the dorms wasn't exactly full of joy. Odd didn't open his mouth for even a word, and kept staring at the ground with a sad look on his face. The same for all of us.

I wished good night for the boys when we reached the boys floor, and went upstairs to my room. I opened the door to face my dark room. The moon light sneaked in through the window, It was a full moon that night. I usually love to sit and glare at the moon when it's full, I enjoy it's beauty and pearly look. But that day I felt like I hate everything.

I took my towel and robe and my Toiletries bag, I thought that maybe I could relax under the shower. I walked down the hallway and went to the bathroom, chose one of the showers, put my things away, took my clothes off and then opened both the hot and cold water tabs, and let the warm water fall on my skin and permeates through my hair, I felt like my head is going to explode, standing under the shower didn't make anything better, so I quickly wore my robe and took my things and got out of there. Didn't even bother to use the shampoo or brush my teeth, I didn't feel like doing anything that night. I walked again to my room and turned the knob and entered my gloomy depressing room. I threw my stuff away on the bed and sat back on it staring at the ceiling. They were faking the laughs and smiles they were doing, nobody wanted to shut down the supercomputer, But we all realized that it's the only way to let go. I rarely see Odd's sad face, and that time was one of those times. In the middle of my thoughts I heard knocking on the door.

"Knock, knock." It was Jeremie's voice. I was wearing nothing but the robe.

"Just a second." I quickly got up and opened my closet, wore my underwear and then my pink night gown.

"Come in." I said while I took out my socks from the drawers.

He got in the room with a smile on his face. His hair was wet, means he got a shower too. I sat on the bed.

"Hey, how are you?" He said it and then sat beside me.

"I'm good, you?" I replied while I put on my soft and warm socks. I didn't even look to his face. He obviously knew I was sad because we shut down the supercomputer, but I was scared that he would say that we did the right decision and there's no need to regret anything. But that was what I was trying to convince myself with the whole day, and it didn't work out. So I really didn't want anyone to repeat the same words to me.

He took a deep sigh and said "I'm good"

We sat there staring at nowhere, just a meaningless stares, before he said "I know it's hard for you to let go, after everything we've been through. It's hard for all of us as well."

He turned his head towards the window, stared for a moment, and then said "The moon is really beautiful tonight. Actually it's beautiful every night, but this is the first time I notice it. It's the first time I spend the night without working on the computer, without worrying about XANA, and without everything that relates to the supercomputer"

And then I realized that it's okay if I looked at Jeremie, and if I spoke what's on my mind. After all, Jeremie is the only one who can understand me, And he's the only one that I can 100% trust.

"Half of my life is about Lyoko, and the other half is about life on Earth. Do you know what it's like to lose half of yourself?" I turned my head and faced him to see that he did the same thing. Tears dropped down from my eyes, I couldn't resist anymore. He put both of his hands on my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs.

"I know." And then wrapped his arms around me, and I reacted the same way. And without resisting, I burst out crying. smelling his sweet scent and leaning on his chest helped me a lot. He passed his fingers through my wet hair , and kept saying "It's alright, everything will be okay." I felt safe and comfort, I've always felt like that when I'm between his arms.

I don't know how long it took me to calm down, but I certainly know that I slept like a baby that night.


	2. Explosion

The annoying beeping of the alarm clock woke me up the next morning, it was 7 o'clock, and I had to get myself ready for school. I raised my left hand to turn it off when I felt like someone was gently holding it and refusing to let it go. The curiosity forced me to open my eyes, to see who that stranger was. However, it was not a stranger at all; it was just Jeremie sitting on the floor with his sleepy head on the edge of the bed and his hands holding mine.

I was surprised because I thought he went back to his dorm last night, but apparently, he didn't.

I gently whispered "Jeremie, wake up."

He lazily lifted his head off the bed and turned his gaze towards me. "Huh? Oh, hey, good morning Aelita," he mumbled with a sweet smile on his face.

"Good morning, what are you still doing here?" I said with a low voice.

He widened his eyes a bit and didn't talk for a moment. I guessed he was looking for a proper answer. He then replied, with the words quickly flowing from his mouth, "Well, yesterday you slept in my lap, and so I lifted you to your bed and covered you with the sheets. When I was about to go back to my room, you grabbed my hand and refused to let it go, and I didn't want to wake you up, so I stayed here." His cheeks turned red and so did mine. I thought I needed him more than ever on those days, and I was so glad that he was with me.

"Oh, we should get ready for school," I replied.

"Yeah, yeah, right. Well then, I'll head to my room ." he released my hands and got up on his feet and walked to the door , when suddenly words popped up to my mind , and without even thinking for a second I said " Jeremie,…", he turned around and said in response "what?"

"Th-thanks for staying here tonight."

"Anytime, angel". He kept a smile on his face as he left the room. Angel !? That was the first time he called me that name. I loved the sound of the name coming from his lips, but it reminded me of Lyoko, and once again, I felt pain in my head. It also reminded me of another thing.

_Well Aelita, this is your very first day without Lyoko_ , I thought to myself. I got up and stretched my body, took my toiletries bag and made my way to the girls' bathroom. I already took my shower the day before, so all I needed to do was use the toilet, wash my face, and brush my teeth. After I was done, I turned back to my room. Once I was inside my room, I changed my clothes, put on my socks, my boots, and the other things I do before school. Finally, I was ready for the day.

After I finished my daily 'before class' routine, I walked down the hallway when a familiar voice called to me.

"Hey, Mrs. Einst—I mean, Aelita." Sissi surprised me. She approached me and said with a lack of confidence, "C-can we talk for a moment? There's something important I need to tell you." That was weird! She talked nicely, called me my first name for the first time, and asked me to talk to her for a moment!

"O-okay." We made our way towards her room. Once we were inside, she closed the door behind us and took a seat on her bed.

"You can sit wherever you want," she offered. I chose her desk chair, taking a seat on it. She seemed nervous, so I thought that it would be a good idea if I were the one to break the barrier of silence.

"So what's this important thing you want to talk about?"

It took her a few moments before she could reply. "So you know that we're now friends, right?" I nodded my head in response, curious to see where the conversation would lead. "… and you know that I have this HUGE crush on Ulrich…" After those words, I understood what it was she wanted to say, and what favor she was asking for.

"You want me, as a friend, to help you to get along with Ulrich and get close to him, right?"

Her face brightened up at how I concluded the request and saved her the trouble of saying it herself. "Yes, exactly! So you're going to help me?"

"Sissi, I'm really sorry but I can't help you. When you already have someone in your heart you can't replace him and all you think about is him, only him." I was picturing Jeremie's face in my mind while I told her that, thinking it was the perfect way for me to bring the picture rightfully to her mind.

She seemed very disappointed, lowering her head. Tears started to drop from her eyes. "I thought that we were friends! I can't trust anyone else and the only one I do trust has really disappointed me."

I felt sorry for her; I knew what it felt like, been ignored by the one you like. I experienced it myself with Jeremie, and even sometimes with the gang. "Look Sissi, you have to move on, just stop hanging onto a thin string that will eventually be cut and make you fall, breaking you apart. It's the first day of us being friends after being enemies for such a long time. Please don't ruin it. And I told you that I'm really sorry and I can't help with what you want." It's true; it was just a matter of time before one of the silent promising couple would take the first step.

After that, the only words that I could hear through her mumbling mouth were "just go."

I could relate to Sissi so much back then and I could understand what she felt like, to lose something or someone dear to your heart, and missing him so much in a way other people cannot understand.

I left her room and went to my first class, which was French, and met with Jeremie and the other boys right on the class entrance, where Jeremie gave me the croissant he saved for me. I guess he thought that I didn't feel like going to breakfast that morning. Soon enough, my boring morning classes had begun.

* * *

And just as they had begun, they were over. Now, it was time for lunch.

Odd finished the food on his tray faster than anyone else and then sat silently, speaking not a single word. _This isn't the Odd we know_, I thought. His best buddy Ulrich noticed that something was up.

"Hey Odd, are you up to a prank or something?" the cat boy's eyes continued their empty look on his tray before he raised his head and finally spoke.

"So guys, this is our first day without Lyoko. What do you think of it so far?" His eyes were very curious, you could tell that much.

"What do YOU think about it?" Ulrich replied.

"It's really boring, and the pranks aren't really that funny anymore, I can't even think of a proper one to set up."

Jeremie was next in line to add to the conversation. "Well, I slept properly last night for the first time in two years if that's what you mean." I felt really bad for Jeremie , even though I shared with him many sleepless nights, but were not as much as he spend alone by himself.

"And I don't have to sneak out late anymore," Yumi added, the smile of excitement on her face enough to light up the entire cafeteria.

Joining his hands together behind his head, Ulrich leaned back in his chair and said with excitement, "I feel free. There is so much I wanted to do before but couldn't, and now I can. Like for example, there's this new movie that I really want to watch. Odd, how about you come with me?"

"No, I don't feel like it." His sad tone made me think that maybe he was the only one of us that really misses Lyoko… and I just couldn't believe it.

"What happened to you guys?" I asked, all of them turning their attention towards me. "Just yesterday you were all sad because of the shutting down of the supercomputer, and now you're all glad that it's gone."

"People change princess, we have to move on, we can't just spend every day of our lives thinking about something that is already gone." Ulrich retorted with a somewhat careless tone.

"Look Aelita, I know it's been hard for you, two years of fighting, all the adventures we had, your dad sacrificing himself and everything else that we've been through, but it's time for us to forget about all that and concentrate on other things." Jeremie replied, a bit gentler than Ulrich had done.

Yumi said simply, "I know that it might feel a bit weird, but I'm really happy all the same. We've got more free time to focus on other things, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm with Yumi," Ulrich agreed.

"WOW! So you mean you're finally together?!" Odd shrieked with joy, drawing attention to our table from the entire cafeteria.

"Odd! You and your stupid nut brain! You didn't need to say that out loud …" Ulrich replied quietly and angrily. "… and no, no one said anything about us being together." A slight blush grew on the cheeks of both Ulrich and the Japanese woman next to him.

Just then, Sissi approached us with the two followers behind her and a rather angry expression on her face.

"So you and that Japanese freak are now together! But what about us?"

"First of all she's not a freak. Second, What about us?" Ulrich replied with a mocking smile drawn on his face. He apparently wanted to play his little game that he always played with Sissi.

"What about your promise yesterday?"

"I told you that you can be my friend, not my GIRLFRIEND!"

"But, but…"

"Apparently your brain is so tiny it doesn't even analyze correctly what people say," he smirked.

Everyone but me burst out laughing—except for Odd, who's fit of laughter only lasted for a second or two before he sighed and then returned to his state of depression. I've always laughed at the gang's jokes on Sissi, but she's supposed to be our friend now. At the same time, though, I thought…_why am I defending her?_

Sissi backed away, and I could almost see a sparkle from the tear that dropped on her cheeks. She ran out of the cafeteria crying so hard.

Herve and Nickolas ran after her, shouting "Sissi, WAIT!"

I couldn't resist. For once, I decided to fend for Sissi. "Why did you do that?" I yelled at Ulrich, obvious anger growing on my face.

"Aelita come on, you know her."

"You could've said it nicely."

"I told her thousands of times"

"**But you could have said it nicely!"** I repeated myself, more sternly this time.

"Aelita calm down," Jeremie begged me, but I couldn't calm down that easily.

"If I said it nicely then she would come back and try again and again."

"How do you know that?"

While in the middle of our argument the rest of the gang and even the students at the cafeteria were curiously watching the two of us, their gazes shifting from me to Ulrich depending on who was talking.

"Because I tried before, she sticks like glue."

I stood up, instinctively slamming my fists onto the table so hard it even caused it to shake a bit. **"No you didn't!" **I shouted.** "You never tried to speak to her, face-to-face. You never cared—actually, none of us did—about her feelings! What we have been doing is wrong, and now I've begun to realize that we're all a bunch of bastards!"**

Ulrich sprang up out of his seat in return. **"And why are you defending her!? You hate her just as much as the rest of us!"**

I took a breath, sitting back down in my seat as I started to regain my composure. Silently but still angrily, I responded. "I guess the shutdown of the supercomputer changed a lot of things."

I glared at them for a good while. They were all surprised at my reaction, and quite frankly, I was too. I carried my tray and left the table without saying anything else—and certainly without giving anyone else a chance to say anything first. I had known I would explode at any moment, but I never thought it would be so soon, only one day after the goodbyes. And what's more, that the reason would be so stupid—defending someone I hated for such a long time.

"Aelita, what have you done!"


	3. Illusions

"Aelita, honey, what have you done!"

"I'm sorry mommy, I didn't mean to. I was just showing Teddy how to use the scissors."

The little Aelita started to cry, Teddy was one of her best friends. She used the Scissors and mistakenly, cut off his ear.

"Mommy, can you fix him?"

"I'll try sweetie. I know it's your best friend."

"But what if you can't do it?"

"Then you'll have to play with him like this."

"But…but…" She burst in tears as she heard these few words from her mom. Hurting a friend, even though her only friends were her dolls, simply a fact she couldn't accept.

"Aelita Honey, don't cry. Aelita, Aelita, AELITA!"

"Huh! William!"

I returned to reality. I was standing in the cafeteria entrance after my little explosion. A very familiar face replaced my mom's face. William was standing right in front of me with his worried eyes looking at me.

"Are you okay? Were you day dreaming or something?" he asked.

"I-I guess I was."

"Look, I need to talk to you. Do…."

"Sorry William, I'm not in the mood right now. Maybe some other time." I interrupted.

He seemed quite disappointed, but I really wasn't in the mood. I turned away and walked straight ahead to the woods. My feet were leading me as if they knew where I should go. My head was full of things, full of worries, full of problems that I needed to think of alone, and away. As soon as I got out of William's sight, who kept staring at me as I walked away from him, I started running as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going, I was unconsciously running. I had so much to think about, like for example my fight with Ulrich. _This is the very first time that I have a fight with him. However, Aelita, you cannot ignore the fact that he was mean to her. _

_Moreover, what about the vision that I had? The last time I had them was long ago. However, this is a new one. I've always believed that daddy sent me these visions, somehow, when he was still alive. Maybe through the supercomputer he found a way to do that. Or… perhaps I'm just still recovering my memory, even after such a long time._

Finally, I got tired, so I stopped running. I bent down. I realized that I ran for a long distance. Eventually, I caught my breath. Curious to know where I was, I looked around my position. The scene was familiar. I was standing right outside the hermitage house!

Something about this place always enticed me to it. All I know is that this place if full of memories. Even through the mess and the wreck inside of it, it was what I've always called "My quite place".

I walked through the front yard and climbed up the stairs. I stood there in front of the main door, anxious. I clinched the cold knot and opened the door. The cold air hit my face. The grey color covered every spot of that house. It was dark and gloomy, but something 'bout it felt like a warm and cozy home, somehow.

I took very careful steps inside. The strange thing was: I didn't feel scared like I used to before the shutdown. Maybe because I knew that the danger was gone, XANA was gone.

Nothing mattered the most to me back then than going up to my old room. I felt like a huge part of me belonged there.

I walked with my fast steps to my room. I opened the door slowly and walked in there. I immediately threw myself on the bed and burst out crying. My mind flashed back every single memory I had after Jeremie first turned on the supercomputer, 'till the last time I've been to Lyoko. Finally, it flashed back the day of the shutdown.

All those memories hurt me so much. I missed everything, the beeping announcing the activated towers, how we used to escape from class, going to Lyoko, how we used to fight. Just….everything.

* * *

After a While, while my eyes were closed, and they were still pouring tears, I saw another vision.

"Aelita honey, why are you crying?" Daddy asked.

"Teddy, I hurt teddy. I did an awful thing to him" I answered.

"Don't worry honey; I'm sure everything will be just fine.

"Daddy?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Can you fix a friend?"

"Well, we don't usually use the word 'fix'. When something bad happens between you and your friend, and he gets mad at you or you on him, you have to apologize to him or if it's on the other way, you have to forgive him. Friendship is one of the most amazing things in the world. It's built on pure love and sacrifice, and most importantly, forgiveness.

"Will teddy forgive me if I apologize to him?"

"Of course he will. He's your friend." He answered with a smile.

Suddenly, everything disappeared. Weird enough, I was sitting in the exact same spot I was sitting in my illusion, on my bed in my room. _Did these things really happen before? I guess they did. My mind can't just invent a memory out of nowhere. Now that XANA is gone along with my dad, I'm pretty sure of it. I'm still recovering my memory, slowly. Dad helped me recover the major things when XANA stole my memory. Right now, I guess I'm remembering the small details. _

I raised my arm to wipe the tears with my sleeve. But it was useless. I cried, again.

* * *

(Meanwhile at Kadic)

Jeremie, Ulrich, and Odd took their seats in their math class after lunch break. Jeremie took his usual seat in the front, while Ulrich and Odd sat behind him.

The blond boy tended forwards and reached his mouth to Jeremie's ear "Psst, Jeremie."

"What?"

"What's wrong with Aelita?"

"The same thing that's wrong with you."

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting strange too."

He stared at the genius for a while before he could reply "No comment." Then he got back to his seat.

"Aelita Stones?" called upon Aelita's name. There was no response.

"Where's Aelita Stones? , do you know where she is?"

"Uh … she felt sick, so she went to rest in her room." _At least, that's where I think she is. _Jeremie thought to himself.

"Alright then…." She started to call the names of the rest of the class.

Odd turned his head to the samurai "Hey Ulrich, are you OK?"

Ulrich didn't seem to be OK at all. He kept staring at his book not paying attention to anything surrounding him.

"Honestly, we are the most maniac's students at this school." The cat boy took a deep breath and then started to do his favorite thing during class; drawing Kiwi.

* * *

I stopped crying. However, it took me a very long time to do so. I sat there, slowly pacing back and forth. I felt empty. I honestly didn't know what I was feeling, just empty.

I freaked out a bit when I felt the buzzing of my mobile phone shaking in my pocket. I took it out and blinked my eyes several times when I looked at the screen. The light was too strong for them, because it was almost dark outside. Jeremie was calling me.

_Should I answer? Do I want to answer? What am I going to say to him even if I answered? That I've been crying in my old abandoned house this whole time like a pathetic little girl? That's right, I am pathetic. I wasn't strong enough to defend my father. To even shoot in the right direction back then when I was trying to protect him. I was paralyzed._

The phone stopped ringing. But my eyes were locked at the time on the phone, 6: 52.

_Aelita, it's enough for today, you have to get back to campus._

I walked out of the house and made my way through the woods to the academy. It was sunset and the view was just flawless. The last beams of sunlight sneaked through the woody columns of the trees, while the trees set their shades on the ground.

That was the very first time that I witness a sunset in these woods. I was so busy fighting XANA and running and hiding that I didn't even get to ponder the beauty of this earth, if we don't count the very first day I got to earth.

As I watched the sunlight backs away and fades behind the horizon, I realized that I'm really late and I should get back to school fast.

As I hurried my steps, I heard a noise, like a wolf howl, and it was terrifying.

_Okay Aelita, calm_ _down_. I increased my speed, but the howl kept on getting louder and louder with every step I took. Moreover, it wasn't just one howl; there was more than one wolf. Out of panicking, I turned my face to check if anything was following me. That was when I saw them; three big wolves were following me with their bloody red eyes staring at me! I petrified in my position, and my eyes widened as much as they could. We stayed there for a brief moment staring at each other, them with their evil looking eyes, and me with my horrified ones. As soon as I realized the scene I was in, I started to run towards the campus as fast as my feet could bear to with the wolves chasing me. I called the name that was in my head the whole day "DADDY!"

After couple of minutes of running, I crashed into something, a figure to be exact, and we both fell on the ground. I lifted my head to see the person I crashed into. The purple cat shouted "Hey! Watch out where you're going princess."

Ulrich helped Odd to get on his feet, and as Jeremie helped me to get on my feet, I screamed in panic "THE WOLVES! THE WOLVES ARE CHASING ME!"

Jeremie was confused "What wolves? What are you talking about?"

"The wolves! They kept on howling and chasing me through the woods and I was very scared and…"

Jeremie interrupted "There aren't any wolves chasing you, we didn't see anything. Just look behind you if you want to make sure."

I turned around and tried to see through the dark forest that was ahead of me, but there wasn't a single chance that I could've seen anything through that darkness that covered the woods.

As I stared at the forest, I asked "Well, what about their howls? You must've heard them. They were very loud."

Yumi answered with a low voice "Aelita, none of us heard anything."

With her words I started to ask myself quite a stupid question, _whom does she mean by "us"? _

I turned around again to face my friends plus the rest of the students! It was dinnertime and they were heading to the cafeteria to have their dinner when this happened. They stared at me with curious eyes. And some of them whispered to their friends.

Milly said Tamiya: "Scoop! Aelita Stones running out of the woods scared from her imaginary wolves! Right that down fast."

I felt really dump. Tears started to gather in my eyes.

"Aelita, come on. Let's get out of here." Jeremie said after he put his hand on my shoulder. He was really worried. You could tell by his eyes.

"I'm fine." I coldly answered.

I took few steps away from him and looked at the ground. I was really embarrassed. Not willing to stay there any longer, I prepared myself to face my dark room as I walked between the crowds heading for the dorms.

_Illusions, again. _I thought to myself.


End file.
